Dear Sarah,

You know I love you. But I sense a rebuttal to this essay stirring in my heart and bones.

As you know, we are dependent upon “weak ties,” too, and small talk (especially when leavened by authentic affection) is an essential social glue. I periodically explode people’s minds by announcing my undying love of small talk, and here’s the thing: When I walk through my university, I get high fives and hugs and smiles from dozens of people I “know,” weakly, via the indispensable medium of small talk. My God, I love all those people. They make me feel safe and welcome and they never fail to cheer me up. The lady who cleans my office — and so many others’ (her name is Debbie) — is a real, authentic friend, with whom I share a bond of trust and respect and delight, and 90% of our conversations are small talk.

Perhaps “small” talk is the wrong name. Maybe “easy” talk would be better — a way to slide into each others’ lives without too much effort or investment. Such relationships aren’t built on dishonesty or waste, they are part of the water we swim in, they make up a huge part of our identity, and our implicit sense of well being. And so I think small talk should be celebrated for the role it plays.

Respectfully yours,

Jim